A Married Couple Is Driving Along a Highway Doing a Steady 40 Miles Per Hour When She Demands a Divorce and Everything He Owns

A married couple had been together for more than twenty years and were driving along a quiet highway. The husband was behind the wheel, hands steady, eyes on the road. The scenery passed without urgency. For a long stretch neither of them spoke. Then his wife turned toward him and said, calmly and without drama, that she wanted a divorce. She told him not to try talking her out of it. She had been having an affair with his best friend, and that man, she added, was a much better lover than he was. The husband said nothing. He kept watching the road. His hands tightened around the steering wheel.

She continued. She wanted the house. The speed climbed. She wanted the car too. Faster still. She would take the bank accounts, the credit cards, and the boat. The husband remained silent. He did not argue, did not plead, did not glance at her. The quiet between them grew heavier with every demand. Outside the window the highway stretched ahead, empty and ordinary, while the needle on the speedometer kept rising. She listed what she believed she was entitled to as if the conversation were already settled and only the paperwork remained.

A few moments later the car began drifting toward a massive concrete bridge support. The wife noticed the direction and suddenly became nervous. She looked at her husband and asked if there was anything he wanted. For the first time he answered. His voice was quiet and completely controlled. No, he said. He had everything he needed. She was puzzled. Oh, really? she asked. So what exactly did he have? The bridge was getting closer. He kept his eyes on the road. She could see there was no longer any time to turn the car around.

Just before they reached the concrete wall the husband finally turned toward her and gave her a calm, satisfied smile. “I’ve got the airbag.” And with that, the joke reaches its dark punchline: after everything she had claimed she wanted, neither of them was going to enjoy the divorce settlement.

Adrian Vale
Adrian Vale studied English literature. He is a novelist. He writes atmospheric literary fiction, quiet, character-driven stories about people who drift out of their own lives and the strange, lingering things that find them afterward.

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