I Mourned The Man I Was Engaged To For Most Of My Long, Quiet Life2

She never mailed a single one. The letters were all in that shoebox, still sealed, addressed to me in his crooked hand. I recognized every tilted capital D. Bobby found them in 1994, after his mother died, along with a carbon copy of the letter she had sent me. She had been certain no eighteen-year-old girl would marry a boy with a ruined face, so she decided to spare him the rejection and spare me the choice.

Bobby had believed for twenty-four years that I simply stopped writing. By the time he learned the truth, I had been married to Roy for over two decades, with children and a life. He looked me up once, saw our family photo in an insurance ad, and decided it would be cruel to tear that open. He married a kind nurse named Elaine and raised Marisa.

Elaine died last spring. Then his doctors told him his heart was failing. Marisa drove him to Carson City on Thursday so he could order the flowers himself. The 530 number was Marisa’s phone; she had hung up out of panic. He only wanted me to know he had lived, and that he never stopped loving me. He didn’t want me to see him like this, afraid the scars would be the last thing I remembered. He had always underestimated me.

I stayed until dark, and we read his forty-three letters together, one by one, the same way I had read mine. I drove up every weekend after that. My daughter came with me the second time and cried harder than I did. Bobby passed in March, holding my hand, with a dandelion in a jar beside his bed. His letters now sit beside mine in the old Whitman’s box, in my cedar chest, where they finally belong together.

Adrian Vale
Adrian Vale studied English literature. He is a novelist. He writes atmospheric literary fiction, quiet, character-driven stories about people who drift out of their own lives and the strange, lingering things that find them afterward.

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