What The Forty-Five Days Looked Like From Behind That Bedroom Door, And How I Finally Learned To Live Alone

They did not leave quietly, but they did not leave loudly either, which was worse in its own way. For the first week Corinne spoke to me only through the wall. The second week she started leaving printed spreadsheets on the kitchen counter showing what they had contributed. Groceries, mostly. A ceiling fan. Nine hundred and forty dollars over four years against forty-one thousand of mine, and she had gone to the trouble of formatting it in columns.

On day nineteen I found out why they had needed that card so badly. Desmond had been out of work since the previous September and had never told her. She had been covering for a man who was covering for himself, and the money she was taking from me was going toward a lie she had not been told either. When she learned it, in my kitchen, she sat down on the floor. I did not comfort her. I made tea and set a cup beside her, which was as far as I could reach that day.

They left on the thirty-eighth day. Desmond went to his brother’s. Corinne went to a rental in Fenwick, alone, with a job at a dental office she found herself.

I took my bedroom back in March. I painted it the color your grandmother’s kitchen was, which is not a color anyone under fifty would choose, and I sat in it for a long time.

Corinne called in June. Not for money. She asked what my husband’s mother used to put in the ham, and we talked for forty minutes about brine. She came for Sunday dinner in August. She has come most Sundays since, and she has never once asked for anything, and I have never once offered.

We are careful with each other now, the way you are careful with something you dropped and glued back together yourself.

I spent eleven years believing that if I stayed quiet and useful, I would be kept. What I learned in that small room down the hall is that people do not treasure what costs them nothing. I had to close one door before anyone in this house could see me standing behind it, and I have not regretted a single one of those forty-five days.

Adrian Vale
Adrian Vale studied English literature. He is a novelist. He writes atmospheric literary fiction, quiet, character-driven stories about people who drift out of their own lives and the strange, lingering things that find them afterward.

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