She made me read it out. Roses are red, violets are blue, we don’t want a sick grandma, Christmas is not for you. Marisol stood by my son’s chair looking pleased with herself, and Trevor laughed until he had to wipe his eyes, and my grandchildren watched my face to learn what they were supposed to feel. I had cooked most of that dinner. My grandmother’s angel was on the tree. When I asked where exactly I was meant to spend Christmas, my daughter-in-law said there were places for people in my situation.
Eight months of early stage Parkinson’s, during which I drove, cooked, paid my bills and ran my own house, and every tremor had been quietly filed as evidence. Trevor asked what if I fell, what if I left the stove on, and he did not look worried. He looked prepared.
I called Everett Sloane, arranged a flat in Valencia and a neurologist there, and left on the fifth of January with two suitcases, a letter, and a folder.
The sealed document was the second mortgage. Trevor had taken it against the house I bought him, eleven months earlier, forging my signature as guarantor because his father’s estate still held a partial interest. Everett had found it in October and had been waiting for me to be ready.
I never filed. Instead I wrote to Trevor and told him exactly what I knew and that he had one year to refinance it into his own name alone. He did it in nine months. He also left Marisol, which was his own decision and one he made without telling me until it was done.
He visits every March. He sits on my balcony and we watch the market square and he does not fill the silences anymore. My granddaughter Nora spent a summer here and taught me to make paella properly, and she still calls on Sundays.
The tremor is worse now. My mind is entirely my own.
They looked at my hands and decided that was the whole of me. I flew four thousand miles to find out that I had never actually needed anyone’s permission to keep living, and I have been living, all this time, entirely on purpose.